Happy Valentines Day

What I know about love:

I do not know much…..everyday gives me a new lesson.  We can read all the books about love languages and relationship rescues, but nothing can teach us more than time spent in the thick of it. I have been married for almost 15 years and this is what I have learned so far.

• I am lucky.  I found love. He chose me and I chose him. It is weird to think that at some point in our lives we were just two strangers being set up on a blind date.  I had no expectations, I had big plans.  My plans changed and so did his; now I am the luckiest girl in the world because he changed his plans for me! We changed them for each other.
• We change.  Neither of us look the same.  One of us has more hair, one of us has less hair. We are both a little bigger than we used to be.  We cannot not do the same things we used to do in our twenties, nor would we really want to.  And that is OK!  I look at this man and remember what it was that made me fall in love with him in the first place.  Remembering is key. Underneath all the exterior changes, he is still the same person. He has the same values, integrity and sense of humor that made me fall in love with him in the first place.
• We need to treasure the love. Like anything else in your life….No! more than anything else in your life…..You need to look after your relationship. You would not go for weeks without cleaning your home or washing your clothes.  Your car always makes it in for a service.  Then why is it we neglect the most important thing in our lives?  It is too easy to take each other for granted. The fact is that we are both responsible for tending to the relationship.  We do not have to plan a big elaborate date night or a romantic vacation to Bora Bora (although that would be nice).  But a regular date at Starbucks, or taking a walk together works too.  Sometimes we just need to turn off the TV.  Spending time together is invaluable.
• Respect is key. I have a tendency toward with sarcasm.  I like to say it is my love language, but it is not actually very loving.  This is not good.  He gets it, but not everyone does.  While sometimes it is fun to have a good old fashioned husband bashing session with your girlfriends, it is not the best thing to do.  I need to remember this. He is the love of my life and I need to make sure the world knows that.
• Show appreciation. This harkens back to the tending of our relationship, but it is so important to show our appreciation.  I know that I love it when my husband is thankful for the dinner I cooked, or the fact that he has clean clothes or fresh towels. I appreciate that there is a fresh hot cup of tea for me every morning without me having to even ask.  What is important is that he knows how much I love it!  It is when we do something for each other, no matter how small, just because we know the other will appreciate it. Then we just have to say thank you to each other regularly…it is very simple,  but it goes a long way.
• It gets better with time.  I look at my husband and I can tell you most honestly that I love him more now than I did the day I walked up the aisle to him.  We have been through so much together,  some good, some not so good.  The only thing I can say is that no matter how bad things get or how badly we have ticked each other off, we have always made a point to work through it and get it back to good.  It is always worth it. We share our whole lives with each other.  Somewhere along the way this guy I met in a bar has become my family. That is such a weird concept!!!!
• Communication. You need to talk to your person.  It is that simple.  If  we don’t talk to each other then, if we just make assumptions about what each of us is thinking, then we have a recipe for disaster. We have made too many assumptions over the years.  This is the part my husband and I have the most trouble with.  He is not a big talker, he a classic introvert!  Sometimes just trying to get the time to have a proper conversation can be hard.  Talking is hard, but it has to be done.
• Life is hard.  We have been through four deployments, multiple TDYs (business trips in the Army), four children, one set of micro preemie twins. Dogs. Debt. Houses bought, houses sold. Multiple moves, overseas and back again. Living near family, living far away from family.  Life by sheer definition is not ever easy. When it comes down to it there is nobody I would rather live this hard life with than him.
• Say “I love you” regularly.  Need I say more. This one is a no brainer.  It is just three simple words that to the right person will mean the world.

What I am trying to say is that true love in life is not like love in the movies…..it is hard, it is real and it can be annoying, but it also can be absolutely marvelous if you treat it like the treasure it is.   I wish you all a wonderful day of love.  Not just on Valentines Day, but absolutely everyday.

♥Criona